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![Half Past Dead 2]()
Half Past Dead 2 (2007)
IMDB rating: 4.10
Plot: Long time inmate Twitch (Kurupt) gets himself transfered to a tougher prison than the re-opened Alcatraz. He claims it’s to be closer to his lady but his real motives are a bit more grandiose. There he crosses paths with Burke (Bill Goldberg) a bulky prisoner who can take care of himself. Twitch, despite being less muscular, is just as mouthy and is pretty much the same. But there is a gang war brewing between the black and hispanic inmates…
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i find Half Past Dead 2
Directors: Camacho Art
Actors: Goldberg Bill,Kurupt,Madrid Robert,Perez Joe,Omari Morocco,Conley Jack,LaSardo Robert,Browne Kale,Torti Robert,Kenyatta Stogie,Plana Tony,Clayton Lamont,Action,
What ones the best joke?
Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
There was a camel and elephant, the elephant said to the camel
"How come you have your t!ts on your back?" and the camel got offended so he told the elephant
"Well at least i don’t have a d*ck on my face?"
2 Hours after the wedding!!
Him: Finally! After all this time waiting!
Her: Will you ever leave me?
Him: No! Don’t even say that!
Her: Do you really love me, though?
Him: Of course, I always have and always will.
Her: Have you ever been unfaithful to me?
Him: What?!! How can you even ask that?
Her: So will you always be with me?
Him: Every single hour of every single day.
Her: Would you ever hit me?
Him: Are you mad? Do I look like that kind of person?
Her: Can I trust you?
Him: Yes
Her: My Love!
2 years after the wedding: Read from bottom to top.
you know you live in 2005 when….
1) you accidentally enter your password on a microwave
2) you haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years
3) the reaL reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don’t have a screen name
4) you’d rather look all over the house for tv.
6)your boss doesnt even have the ability to do your job.
7) you read this list, & keep nodding and smiling
as you read this list, you think about sending it to all your friends
9) and…you were too busy to notice number 5.
10) you actually scrolled back up to check that there was no number 5
11) and now you’re laughing at your stupidity
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ‘JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ****!"
A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what’s sex?"
Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams…and he thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works. He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he’s finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge. Her father finally asks: "So what did you want to know about sex for?"
"Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple
of secs…"
a couple cant have children. they’ve been praying to have one, but they never did… until one day came the best day of their lives. the woman was pregnant. 9 months later, the baby was born, a beautiful baby girl. so the years passed, 3 years exactly, and the girl hadn’t said a single word. until one day she said: grandpa!
next day, the grandpa dies
next year, the baby said: grandma!
next week, grandma dies.
so the father was very frustrated. he told his wife: honey, i think i should get ready. our baby will say dad soon enough, and i will die. so they got ready and all that stuff, and then a month later the baby girl says: dada!
and so… next morning while checking the mail, they found the mailman dead across the pavement of their house.
It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke. She went to the coke machine and when she put her money in, a coke came out - so she kept putting money in.
And since it was such a hot day, a line had formed behind her. Finally, a guy on line said, "Will you hurry up? We’re all hot and thirsty!"
And the blonde said, "No way. I’m still winning!
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to
take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the
boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and
says, ‘Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?’ ‘Reading a
book,’ she replies, (thinking, ‘Isn’t that obvious?’)
‘You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,’ he informs her.
‘I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading’
‘Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could sta
I like the third one the best, ever so funny, but I laughed at most of them, thanks.!
Don Quixote | Feb 06, 2010
this one
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ‘JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ****!"
sulaimonao | Feb 06, 2010
Easily the second one. Not only is it funny, but a great comeback as well. But all of them are hilarious. Thanks for sharing them!
inflatable bunny | Feb 06, 2010
For simplicity’s sake I enjoyed the very first one the best!
Mr. Intensity | Feb 06, 2010
there all good it made me lol
Dj Chi | Feb 06, 2010
They are all funny!! lol!
Rudy | Feb 06, 2010
the one with the camel and the elephant and the one with the girl that was getting stuck with the pin
shyt.bytch | Feb 06, 2010